Anti- Climax

You meet a guy who takes you out to dinner, buys you flowers occasionally and spends most of his days with you. He whispers sweet nothings, tells you he loves you.You get attached and next thing you know, you have a toothbrush and a few clothes at his apartment.

OOOH baby I love you!

OOOH baby I love you!

One Saturday afternoon while you stroll through Oasis mall, you meet a good friend of yours and when the introductions ensue, you happily say that he is your boyfriend. He gives you a look and quickly makes sure you get on the move. When you ask what the hurry is, he casually informs you that what you have is not a relationship but rather you are just ‘messing around.’

This script can come in different forms, some worse or easier to take in than this but bottom line is, you get led on and finally get shocked to realise you are in it for the long haul, except…you are on your own.

A good friend of my mum’s has tried to teach us a lesson that we haven’t quite learnt. Her theory is simple. “Do not start what you may not finish.” This is a little ambiguous but I will give you an example.

If you have a wife and the routine is that you say “honey I’m home” before she runs into your arms and hugs you upon arrival every evening, you need to keep this up.  After a bad day at work or terrible fight with her, you cannot change it to “Alphonsinaaaaa, bring my bath water!!”

Such are the conditions of this theory.

My mother says she is too old to change so I should represent ‘us’ and run before it is too late. Whereas I see the sense in not leading people into certain expectations, I also believe in living in the moment and making the best of it while one still has the opportunity.

I think that turning another year old is a big deal, especially in this world of uncertainty. To that effect, I try to make a big deal of birthdays for people close to me. It would be much easier if I stopped at a text, phone call or card perhaps but no! I have a problem.

I want to commemorate the day in style, take them out to lunch or dinner, order cake and party hats if I can.  Sometimes funds shall not allow it, distance, timing etc but if I can, I definitely will. Five years from now, I may not be able to maintain the trend I began, I may get too busy with my family, send a simple message that reads ‘HBD’ (Yuck! I would never!)  Perhaps a very close companion shall have betrayed me and taken with them all my faith in mankind (God forbid) or I may even forget. According to the theory, I should not have started in the first place. That way, there would be no expectations and as a result, I would not have to worry about delivery.. but alas! I am already caught in the web:-O

Back when I was in Uni, I made a mistake of organising a birthday celebration for a friend. In my head, it was simple; call up her friends, ask them to carry cash for their meal,I pay for the birthday girl, she arrives, gets surprised and excited, we cut cake, dance and live happily ever after. Haha! Psyche! Some people cancelled last minute, others didn’t bother to cancel and some of  the ones that  honoured the invite showed up but  conveniently received long phone calls when the bill arrived while others took out their wallets, looked through and put them back while a few actually ‘delivered’ as promised. I did not wash dishes at the restaurant but I wasn’t very far from it.

This would have been endurable except some of these ‘suspects’ began to do it over and over again and would be the first to purchase shoes, bags or clothes the next day after being ‘too broke’ to contribute to a meal they actually had. On top of that, it meant that since I had made a big deal out of one friend’s birthday, the entire circle had to be accorded the same privilege. Yes, even the stingy ones!

P.S: All these years later, they still live among us..yes! look around you. If you don’t know anyone like that, you are lucky, oh wait, it could be you :P.

Somehow I have survived. Have I learnt my lesson? Well, this post isn’t exactly about me so perhaps I shall answer that another time.

The preamble was simply to give a basis for this ‘rant.’ *Confession*

Sometime last year a man whom I shall call George came to an orphanage. He had been brought by a friend of his. That day, I too was at God’s Grace. He asked a few questions but I get that a lot so I answered without hesitation. I left early and thought nothing of it.

He continued to visit the children and actually developed a relationship with them, some more than others. Before long, they were asking where ‘Uncle George’ was whenever he took a while without showing up. I must add that the kids love seeing new faces but just like all children, or human beings in general for that matter, they will get attached to those they can most relate to or who give them attention and thus prefer to be around them.

One of the babies became ‘his baby’ and he showered her with goodies. He pampered her more than the rest but it was alright. She had been abandoned and could use all the extra attention.

Two weeks ago, I went to the home and one of the little girls (about 4) started to narrate a tale about how Uncle George took her and a few others out and bought them lots of goodies, drove them around. She was grinning and emphasising some details, like the soda.  *so sweet* unfortunately, the kids she was telling had not gone on that trip, some older than her. I tried to read their expressions and they were a mix of ‘Stop bragging and If your uncle was so cool, where is he now?’ I continued to watch in close proximity and soon after , she seemed to notice her audience wasn’t sympathetic. She held my hand and asked if we could play. My heart crushed but I wasn’t going to allow her to see that. She chased me around and tested my running skills. Note: Always let the kids win, save the competitiveness for people your own size.

On the same day, an older boy asked me where ‘Uncle George’ was. Up till that moment, I had always responded the same way, “aja kuja” (He will come) but four months without him seemed like ages so I decided to say the truth. “I do not know.”

I had to let it pass. For reasons best known to him, he is away from their lives and no matter how much I try to cushion the blows of certain situations, they still have to feel these emotions as they grow up.

So, what triggered the memory of this scenario and irked me even more? Well, while at the hospital yesterday, I was looking at the baby’s medical report as she lay there helplessly on her bed. (Yes the same one he pampered) The first thing that caught my eye was her third name. See, when George was still in love with her, he even asked that she be named after him, signalling some form of a prolonged relationship..if not forever, at least a really long time..No? Am I the crazy one here?

Well, clearly the caretakers still have hope that he will return or they just don’t know better but the name remains.

I know we can’t always be there, life happens. Yes, that is supposed to explain everything- except it doesn’t but let us pretend it does. Uh huh? So what? What becomes of those you leave behind while you are so busy with so called life?

Seeing as this situation is so close to home, I pray that I do not go down the same road. I hope that if/when I choose to exit the lives of these children, I shall let them hear it from me or at least their ‘mommy’.. that they shall not have to speculate or ask my friends why I left them.  If the truth is too harsh and I have to tell a few white lies then so be it.

Surely after the rejection they have received from their families and all of life’s blows, I will be damned if I knowingly wiggle my way into that part of the script.

Goodbyes might be complicated but they are necessary. To get closure.  To move on. To choose whether to forget, hold on or forge new memories.

Whether you choose to only begin what you know you will complete, or take the safer option of not beginning at all is entirely up to you..but there will be BLOOD. *Too dramatic, I just wanted to use that phrase*  Seriously though, do not mess with people’s hearts. Oh also,  keep buying  the girl flowers, they are pretty 🙂

cliff 1

What ticks you off…?

achoo

Aschhhooo! *moving on* Do you get irritated when people sneeze or belch/burp but do not cover their mouth or say ‘excuse me?’

I am pretty sure everyone has their very own long list of pet peeves. It could be anything really, as long as it irritates you. It is always a joy for me to find like minded people with whom we can talk about our dislike for certain words or actions.

You can imagine the grin on my face when I asked my good ol’ buddy Google what he thought and he had hundreds of things that drive people crazy and for some of them I got to say ‘me too!’ every few minutes. There are the usual suspects that irk practically everyone; public spitting, poking one’s nose, people who chew loudly as if to say “Feel it, for me I can eat loudly and you can’t..nya nya nya nya nya.” etc

Even as I write this, a few more keep coming to my head but I shall share those that are ‘dearest’ to my heart.

Believe it or not, I am guilty of a few of the things that tick me off. ( Are you guilty too?) Luckily, I can’t complain out loud when they occur. Example? That is easy. I like eye contact as I speak to a friend, not have them look at their phone constantly and go “Yeah” or “I know right” etc to me, acting lke they are paying attention as they reply a text/chat on the side. Well, I do it too, sometimes. In my defence, I am a work in progress..and I try to apologise before/after/during.

Still not buying it? Well, I tried.

>* Of Phones and their ‘sins’* Speaking of texts. One of the pet peeves I read up on and agree with is ‘people who can’t keep a text conversation going.’ How annoying is this?! The ironic bit is these same people will want to chat often and after ‘hi, what’s up, how is everything…?’ The conversation is over. Still, they want to push it along.One of these culprits tried to force me to admit I was on the verge of planning a wedding once simply because he had nothing to say. He was desperate for a middle ground but we had none. He decided to make up the ‘joke’ and insist I was getting married hence my ‘silence’ (we were not close)Needless to say,his joke backfired. It was pretty awkward after that.

Closely related are those phone conversations that just won’t end. It is worse if they come early in the morning or late at night and there is nothing of importance to share. Knowing that sleep often evades me or needs ‘pleading.’ I will not want to pick calls at a certain time. After this little sacrifice, hoping there is a life or death announcement, a hitherto not so close friend expects you to play ‘hang up, no you hang up’ even when it is clear there is nothing more to say. *wailing*

I know a charming young man who is terrible at this whole keeping a  text coversation going thing. He will go ‘lol’ after every three seconds and you will leave believing you are Kevin Hart Jr. if his ‘lols’ are anything to go buy. Never to ask questions. After he says ‘hey,’ it is up to you to run the conversation from there. Also, don’t people know that when someone asks you how you are it is polite to ask how they are too? If you don’t really care, feign it at least.Needless to say, I can’t stand the chats with friend X anymore. At during face to face chats, we have no awkward silences and useless ‘lols.’

Do I have to add that ‘lol’ is an overused lie? We all know you are not laughing out loud, yes, not even once. This phrase got me so mad I began saying  ‘lol’ out loud to spite the phrase. It kind of stuck which must be a pet peeve for someone else..*Note to self,stop saying lol*

While we are on this subject, why do people feel the need to abbreviate words no matter how short? The top on my list is known to most of my friends.The evil “K.” The word okay must have done something terrible in its past to deserve all the torture it has gone through in this lifetime. Gosh! Just four letters and suddenly it is used as ‘ok,’ ‘k,’ or even ‘oke.’ I promise I didn’t make that last one up. Someone actually reported this case to the ‘okay’ police(read me) a few weeks back. *wincing in pain*

Other words that have suffered include ‘why’- y, dear-dia/dir, Good night-nyt,gdnt,gdn8.nt, Your-ur (insert your list)A few days ago someone ‘reported’ a new one too ‘on b1/2’ (meaning on behalf)Okay I am beginning to shake. I shall stop now.

Wait, before I go, you gathered all your energy to text/inbox/write on my wall and when you got there all you could say was ‘HBD!’ Really? Is it laziness or just plain…plain what? I don’t know but eh…@#$^&!

Continuing conversations that never started. I find it a tad disrespectful when I get messages like ‘send me Brian’s number.’ We haven’t spoken in a while and that is your opening line? No hello at least? I have to fight not to send a sarcastic reply or lecture the sender…but sometimes I just can’t help it..especially if we are not close. One word. ‘Kamanyiro.’

> Half hearted hugs/handshakes

I often go to a nice little chapel close to home for my Sunday dose of the Lord’s word. For a long time, this lady used to sit behind me practically every Sunday. I do not remember her for her smile or melodic voice in church. On the contrary! Every time it was time for peace,(in which we get to wish the peace of the Lord upon our neighbours,often with handshakes) she gave me one and a half fingers or two at most. I must have had the most infectious form of cancer because even this took only two seconds before she pulled her fingers away at super sonic speed. I never got used to it.

I do not know if it is paranoia, the heat or general lack of ‘hugging etiquette’ but there are some people who just can’t hug…’properly.’ They bend slightly and take the first opportunity to let go just as you are getting the feel of this ’embrace.’ I would say it is out of caution but when you start to act like this amongst family and friends then we raise eyebrows on whom you will actually ever hug-properly.

Don’t get me wrong, I think people should not get too familiar and give 5 minute hugs to strangers or even friends with whom they share platonic relationships-that would be creepy..but put some ‘feeling’ into it if you are not being forced. If it really makes you uncomfortable, give the recipient a high five instead. They will get the point.Gosh!

>Pretentious conversations/people/endearments etc

Those people who only call/text only when they want help. You know one,two,too many? I know a few but here is one story.

Girl X whom I shall call Belinda has never been anything more than an acquaintance to me. I know it. She knows it too. I am sure; except she thinks she is brilliant. I realised soon after meeting her that her sorts of friendships are those from which she benefits..STRICTLY.. so each time I saw a message that started “Hi love…” I knew the next words would go something like “Lend me, can you help me with, Do you know anyone who…..” She tried to sell me anything and everything and asked me to get her market for her clothes, shoes, jewellery etc. I must admit if she had been a little more tactful and made a few calls weeks or days before she needed help, just to check, I might have been a little more sympathetic and supportive of all her ventures. I would have been onto her but she would still get marks for trying. ..but nope. It was all about her.

I recently found out she was receiving unrelated favours from guy P whom I shall call Philip. She has her own boyfriend but Philip was being cajoled into responsiblities that he would not gain from at all.Not that friendship is about tit for tat but then again, it takes two to tango. I wonder how many other unsuspecting victims she is calling ‘sweerie, baibe,coco pop,sugar plum,cuppy cake love etc. Moving on..

>Silent transfer of  property

If you have had sisters, stayed in a dormitory or shared a room, I am certain you have experienced this. It could be clothes, shoes, accessories, bags, generally everything. If it looks good on me, it is mine, right? Wrong!

I am all for sharing and have no problem with giving/receiving. However, when one decides to think for me and take over ownership of that which does not belong to her/him, then I start to question their morals.

I remember when I was a little girl in Primary School, I liked to look at ‘the other side of the fence.’ I would go home and tell mum about how the ‘rich’ kids packed food and I didn’t or exchange my own stationery with friends because I thought it was cuter or fancier. Well, if I left home with a bic pen and returned with nice or any other brand, I would have to return it the next day with an apology. If it was possible I would have taken it that night with my ear being pulled to the ground. I slowly and stubbornly learnt to appreciate what was mine..small, ugly, little. It did not matter, that is what I could have.

Over the years though, I have met quite a few people who do not share these sentiments. They borrow money or property and keep it so long that it becomes ‘theirs’ and you are evil for even wanting it back. I mean, how dare you ask for the cute dress you lent me two months ago. Do you not see that I look hotter in it and have taken lots of photos. They are on facebook and instagram by the way so people will think it is you who borrowed. duh!Do you still want the dress?

The other ‘weird’ people

Whereas I might be harsh on some of these things, I know some people who are a little worse than me. They have serious cases of OCD. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

A good example is * Diana* who would rather not share her bathing soap. Why? Well, when guests come to sleep over at her home, they use the soap a certain way and end up ‘deleting’ the word ‘Dettol,’ ‘Protex,’ ‘Geisha’ etc… If she finds her protex soap with only ‘…tex’ left on it, she can’t use it anymore. How could you?!! You took away its anti bacterial nature with those letters…hehe.

*Mark* will not be caught dead carrying a polythene bag a.k.a kavera. If it is a black one, you might as well torture him to death.

How does he carry things around, you may ask. Well, he waits for a day when he shall have a backpack. Once, he saw a pair of shoes he liked. He had the money but he could not purchase them. I offered to carry the kavera but what would happen between his taxi and home? He opted to go back the next day.

He behaves like another gentleman I know who not only loathes buvera but also doesn’t believe you can wear a suit and use a boda boda. How?!! Ruining street cred just. So, as you purchase your Armani suit, by all means deposit on your dream car as well.

So, what drives you mad? Is it when an old friend screams your name across the road…or those neighbours in the taxi who black out on your shoulder and drool too, God forbid.

Please share, I would love to hear your stories.