There are times in our lives when the people who know us the best are the ones who understand us the least..if that makes sense.
Sometimes you know a friend of yours doesn’t like something but you do it anyway. You know they will pull their hair out slowly if you keep them waiting but either it is beyond you or you think “Surely, what is the worst that can happen. After I say sorry, we shall enjoy the evening.” There are other people who do not even give it much thought.
See, the thing about human nature is that we want what is best for us, to be in our comfort zone to be well, happy. Sometimes, it comes at the cost of hurting other people but well, it is okay..as long us we get what we want. .right? Not.You realise eventually that you can’t expect to receive 90% for every 100% you put in. In fact, you shall be lucky to get a little over 50..but do not despair, you will also give another close person 40% when he is at a comfortable 95% for you. It isn’t tit for tat, but you get my drift.. Sad, isn’t it?
We are all different and thus it is unfair to gauge people based on others and yet it is simply inevitable. Deep down we want to be appreciated the same way we appreciate others…as a matter of fact, we want even more. Selfish,yes. Human? Double yes!
I used to ‘grade’ my friendships based on (mostly) trying times. Have they been there for me? Do they call? Are they interested in listening or simply hearing? Do they care what I am saying or they simply can’t wait to add this to the rumour mill? The list goes on.
It got exhausting. Love is about accepting each others differences. If it is worth it, you fight for it. If the fights are more than the laughs..erm, no prizes for guessing what happens next. Along the way you get to find out where each of ‘your people’ lie. If you are lucky, you will ‘guess’ right. Sometimes though, you will ‘sleep with the enemy’ whose left hand is holding a nice sharp dagger under the pillow while her right holds you close.
C’est la vie.
Here is a real life scenario which I didn’t even intend to analyse. It is quite simple but can also be very telling.
I invited some friends over for lunch recently and each of them reacted differently. Here is how;
*Do you see yourself here, once or twice? Do you now which of your friends would sit around, support or simply run? Please share your experiences, I would love to ‘hear’ them.
1. The one who called to RSVP
2. The one who never bothered to respond to invitation
3. The one who said they would come but did not
4. The one who didn’t say they would come but did
5. The friend who called to ask ‘how can I help?’
6. The one who simply called and said “I shall be there early to help,” Didn’t have to ask.
7. The friend who walked in and went straight into the kitchen to cut up some salads
8. The friend who hovered around the kitchen waiting to be given a duty/discover a way to help
9. The one who had somewhere else to be but dropped by to say hello then left
10. The person who made jokes throughout the gathering
11. The one who noticed when her neighbour was ‘going to be sick’ and followed her to the house, just to check then brought her a glass of water
12. The friend who mingled with everyone she found
13. The friend who sat quietly waiting to see someone he is comfortable with
14. The one who called to ask what they should buy on their way
15. The person who didn’t ask but carried some drinks and snacks
16. The friend who kept cleaning up after everyone
17. The friend who called to say he was running late
18. The one who didn’t pick calls because they knew they were late
19. The friend who updated me every step of the way
20. The one who kept asking how many people had come so he only arrives when others are there
21. The ones who stayed after everyone had left just to make sure things were okay
22. The one who stayed to simply…talk
23. The friend who called days later to ask how it went
24. The one who sent the RSVP after a week, because they saw me and had an ‘oops moment’
25. The friend who said he knew I had spent a lot and gave me a contribution when we next met.
Hehe, it goes on and on. What am I trying to say? I do not love each one of them any less.. I accept them as they accept me.We are just different, beautifully so.