A mother’s heart

13

A few months after the 4040 journey had began, I received a call in the middle of the night.
I was informed that one of the children at the home we were working with, had broken her leg. I panicked.
I immediately ran to mum’s room and told her. By this time, I was planning to just throw a sweater over my pyjamas and drive there. I guess I was informing her so she could offer her car before I could ask, because that is who she is.
Instead she asked me to have a seat.
She asked me what I would do once I got there. I explained that the girl needed medical attention and I would take her to hospital. Mum slowly but surely explained how I had let emotions cloud my thinking, in not so many words.
I hadn’t even contemplated the distance from our home, and there was quite a distance. She put that into perspective.
When she was done speaking, I did what I should have done in the beginning. I called and asked the caretaker to take the child to a nearby clinic and that if they could not handle the costs, I would pay up the next day.


The next morning, I was up early and went by before heading to work. Everyone was alive and well.
This was the first time I realised I was trying to play God. I began to understand that I was no hero; that these children were okay without me and would survive even in my absence.
I was just another tool used by God to serve them, to show them love but that was all.
I would go on to have many more lessons; about motherhood, people, life-from the one who gave me life.
One time during particularly difficult period, she met me on my way out and asked me worriedly “How come you no longer sing in the bathroom?” I was shocked. How could she have possibly noticed that?
The truth was, around that time, the burden had become too heavy for me and I wasn’t admitting it to anyone, including myself.

I realise now that I took my pain out on her for a long time, mostly because she let me.
It is no wonder each time I was visibly hurt she reminded me “You started it, you can end it.” I often wondered if my work had affected her that much, that she wanted me to stop; but I know now, all she wanted was for me to be happy.

 

*Counting my blessings*

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