Disappointment and hurting hearts

15

This is a ‘real time’ tale in the series.

Two years ago, I applied for the YALI fellowship hosted in Washington DC. This initiative is the brainchild of a man I greatly admire, President Barack Obama. It supports young African Leaders. *I think I am fairly young..and a leader, yes?* Moving on;
I made it to the interview stage and then didn’t make it.
Last year I applied for this year’s cohort. I thought I was ready this time, more experience, better application. Yes?
Uhm..Perhaps not.
I found out that I didn’t make it.
The email response basically says “You’re good but not good enough.”
It stung but I told myself that it wasn’t time..then I told myself that 5 years is a long time..then I decided it wasn’t for me and I shall move on, keep doing what I do.
We have a 5 year anniversary dinner in a little over a month. We have approached over 20 companies for sponsorship and we chose a pretty awesome, influential woman to be our Guest of Honour.
She stands for everything we believe in.
We wanted Michelle Obama but thought it’s best she enjoys this ‘chill time’ with her hubby firstπŸ˜‰

Yesterday, I started my morning by calling 4 of the companies I spoke to about sponsorship. One person picked up and said they would not partner with us, the other made her line busy and 2 didn’t even pick up. I was devastated. I considered cancelling all the day’s plans..Instead, I wore some red lipstick and got up to face the world.

This morning as I was recovering from what sounds like an action movie scene, the murder of AIGP Kaweesi (RIP), I checked my mail.I am always hopeful that I will find good news when I log in.

Instead I found a letter from a representative of our preferred Guest of Honour, she will not make it.
Tears started streaming down my face at an uncontrollable rate. I had to sit and try to take it all in. We have courted her for a month or so and my faith was immense. We halted printing of invites so that she could confirm and then we distribute.
I prayed, hard; had dreams in which she featured, I brushed up on the language she speaks so I could ‘impress’ on D-day and in all our meetings, we spoke like she had already said yes.
I didn’t know how emotionally attached I was to it all until I received this email.

Now I have gone back to bed to mourn some more before actually starting the process again..and continuing to work because the world doesn’t stop..or wait.
Pain demands to be felt; so do change and time.

The recurring questions about these scenarios, include but are not limited to; “Aren’t we good enough?”
“Haven’t I done enough?”
“Where did we go wrong?”
“What more could I have done?”
“When will it be the right time?
I am more hurt than I thought I would be and quite πŸ’” to be honest.

 

 

Why am I sharing this?
Well, your worth can’t be determined by what people think or say; or how many things don’t go your way.
Often things can be a lot worse but of course we don’t want to hear that when we are hurting. Not even close. We just want things to be okay. We want to get what we hoped for, prayed for, worked for..and it doesn’t seem fair when we don’t.
Nonetheless, C’est la vie.
You rant..you *sniff* cry, *sniff,*
You binge eat, perhaps take a shot; talk to a loved one,take a walk, listen to music,nap; write a post like this, you do whatever it takes to help you deal then you dust yourself off and live to try another day.
Friday,5 May will come..and no matter who attends (or doesn’t) how much we raise for our causes (or don’t); we shall be celebrating how far we have come at that anniversary dinner.
We shall give our next 5 years to God and trust that HE shall finish that which HE started.πŸ™

Note: Originally written on March 17th and posted on facebook

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5 thoughts on “Disappointment and hurting hearts

    • 9Ooh Estar.
      Thank you for sharing this.
      I have so many things to say about it but I will just say I can relate.
      I got my email of “your not good enough ” from YALI last week and a whole lot of things haven’t been going my way lately.
      But be of good cheer
      It always works out.
      Somehow beyond you, the one who gave you the dream, works His magic
      This too will pass.
      5th May will surprise you.
      Thank you again for sharing.

      Like

  1. Ooh Estar.
    Thank you for sharing this.
    I have so many things to say about it but I will just say I can relate.
    I got my email of “your not good enough ” from YALI last week and a whole lot of things haven’t been going my way lately.
    But be of good cheer
    It always works out.
    Somehow beyond you, the one who gave you the dream, works His magic
    This too will pass.
    5th May will surprise you.
    Thank you again for sharing.

    Like

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