Lights, Camera, Action

19

As a child, I was anything but timid.
I found my true-self when I hit the stage.
MDD (Music Dance and Drama *Musilu Ddala Ddala😛* was my calling. At the time it didn’t matter that your voice didn’t sound even remotely like Adele’s. I know this because I got away with solo performances and I can’t even sing to get free rolex😭
I played local instruments in the instrumentals, I participated in pretty much every traditional dance, the folk songs and even performed poetry.
I loved acting the most.
All this was at school during class competitions and later when I joined the School choir.

Over the weekends, my brother  and I provided some back up dancing services to live bands. You didn’t need to call our manager or book in advance. We just showed up with our folks and got in formation shortly after. We were reliable like that.
We also got paid handsomely by revellers. That was until mum kept the money for us😒
I am sure you know how that story ends.
When we asked for our $$, we were given a list of all the things we had not paid for since leaving the womb😞

 

Fast forward to adulthood.
I dislike crowds. Along the way I lost the childhood innocence and became self conscious. I become shy even when everything in me tells me there is no reason to be and getting on stage is not fun for me anymore. It is scary.
Younger me would definitely scoff at this boring version.😳

All my dreams of Actor-Model-Writer-Airhostess-Lawyer-Journalist-Writer again (in that order, I think) have not quite materialised.

Nonetheless, I would like to believe every stage along the way prepared me for something else. Many of my public speaking sessions are probably fueled by that past acting spark to be honest. I get up intimidated by the crowd, anxious,nauseous, stomach rumbling and somehow manage to speak sense (or so I hope) and leave without fainting. Little miracles those ones.

Don’t get me started on this 5 year journey of ‘begging.’ It is difficult for me to even ask a friend (not stranger or acquaintance) to lend me a small sum of money let alone give me something I can’t return. And what do I have here? A 5-year ‘career’ in hounding friends, acquaintances, strangers and the internet world at large to give,give,give-time,resources, skills, everything!😮

I recently met someone (with whom I am acquainted) on the street and they asked “What are you collecting money for this time?” I chocked a little, afterwhich I responded, “Good afternoon, how are you?”
Basically,his mind told him that the greeting I now deserve is “How much do you want?”

Most of this journey has been filled with ironies, in different shades.
We are complex, ever-changing and if we embrace change, it opens our eyes,minds and hearts to the multiple things that we can be, that we can become. We need to allow ourselves to change, to grow, to learn.

Human beings are not one-dimensional;we are multi-faceted; not even what you see on the surface is a representation of who someone truly is.
We can be weak and strong; we can be bullies and still be emotional, confident yet anxious and so much more.
There’s so much beauty in being unapologetically authentic.

There’s no use watering down who you are or toning down your awesome because the world isn’t ready. Make them ready💪💃and if they fail to be, their loss😈
On that note;
Perhaps at 68,someone will write a script that will touch my heart and I will hit the stage one more time. Maybe I’ll act the role of a granny in denial, asking her grandchildren to call her “Aunt Essie”
Till then;
Go forth and explore the multiple versions of the amazing soul that is YOU.

Advertisements

Getting out of your comfort zone

Earlier this week, someone that I am only just getting to know described me as ‘limber.’ It was surrounded by other adjectives so I almost missed it but thankfully I didn’t. I did not know what this word meant so I quickly checked it out. Available synonyms included ‘flexible.’ I like flexible!
For many years, I was a slave to my own habits and values. I was far from flexible. Things had to be done a certain way and that was it. I still have my moments but I have consciously chosen to be more open minded overtime. There was a time when I had every minute of every day thought through. If one person switched up an appointment, my plans crumpled as did my mood. If I kept time and the other person didn’t, I waited impatiently for a concrete explanation. All I often got was a simple apology if I was lucky. I wasn’t helping anyone by keeping an invisible black book. In fact, I was only hurting myself. Of course I also had to admit to myself that I had 3,432 bad habits that my loved ones had to deal with. Why did I have to scold them each time for not living up to certain standards? As you can imagine, this OCD reduction cannot happen overnight. Every now and then we have a relapse. It is not all doom and gloom though, some people actually change for the better after you have yelled enough 🙂
This weekend I did two things that were out of my comfort zone. They weren’t exactly planned for prior, at least not completely but I patted myself on the back for not running away simply out of discomfort.
Exhibit A
This gentleman I will call Mr. K asks that we meet on Saturday so that he could give me some ‘bricks’ for the dormitory. I agreed and waited for him to suggest a venue. He did. A sports bar. In the afternoon. During Premier League season. I thought of several possible excuses but I kept them to myself. Instead I figured, I would get in and get out. There was a problem with this plan though. Just picking the money and leaving would not be polite. The other option had its own issues though, stay and chat in a place where people clearly came to watch football not talk? I would endure option 2. I had to.
Thankfully I found Mr.K seated by the door. If adrenaline had a smell, it greeted me at the door. The bad news was he was surrounded by at least 8 friends. Efforts to introduce me were futile. Guys had come for soccer. I might as well have been a rucksack on the chair. This worked in my favour.
We did talk though, with outbursts of ‘Laba guy ono’ or ‘Goaaal…’ and other football banter. I finished my bottle of Krest in record time. Finally it was half time and the group could now ‘talk.’ He introduced me and what I do and did the same for me. Give me a one on one with a stranger any day or a room full where I can make eye contact only when I choose to but this? Can the ground swallow me up already? Very soon we were talking about 4040 and bricks and business cards were being exchanged, pledges made and cash handed over. Uneasiness pays! Well, I stayed for a bit longer and asked to be excused.
As I left, I saw some friends. I was determined to say hello and leave. Eh, we talked another former colleague into a pledge and got into other random conversations that never ended. Each time we began, someone almost scored or got a foul (is this the spelling/right way to say it?) I refused to eat or drink because I knew what it meant. I can actually pretend to enjoy some football matches and can tell if it was interesting or uneventful. However, setting and company play a big role.
I fled soon after and one of my most interesting boda rides yet (and I have had quite a few) When I got home, I narrated the abridged version to my mom and she said. “Would anyone have found you in your room and handed you that money?” The correct answer is no…so perhaps I need to get me a team to support and train myself in the art of getting emotional about a game.
EXHIBIT B
About a month ago, I was invited to give a talk at the end of August. I asked what the topic was and was told to choose my own. I asked about my audience and the response was “young people like you.”
I reached the venue and suddenly my notes needed to be heavily edited or not used at all. Thankfully the session began with mass which calmed me down. Why did I need to calm down? Well, I am always nervous when I have to speak but this time my audience of about 100 was so diverse, I couldn’t keep up. In the front were little ones, 3-10 years old, then some teens, followed by twenty somethings and lastly their parents! Seriously, the oldest person was probably 65 years old. How to use a language that appeals to each of them, without them falling asleep or resorting to their phones, neighbours and private games was a paradox. Somehow, I did it. My favourite participant was the three year old who said “I want to be a doctor to treat people well,” when I asked them to share their dreams. She was so cute and confident. None of the teens were about that life, till I walked over to them and put them on the spot.
I had to run soon after the talk but one of the youth out up her hand to say she was thankful because even though she is an orphan, someone looked after her and she is now a C.F.O of a company. A few others asked how to work with 4040 and I was surprised by some texts during the week. A lady who knows mom called later that night. She was exclaiming that the talk made her husband cry.
I shall tell you the truth. I left that place unsure if I had even got through to anyone. Honestly, I was too busy worrying about what could go wrong to pay attention to little details.
The moral? Get out of your comfort zone and the results might pleasantly surprise you. What have you done differently today?
x

comfort